Please note, most of these movies have been reviewed previously and in some depth in this blog, so this will be a brief recap. Filler, as it were. Yes, it's like the clip-show version of a blog post here, folks!
The Raven (2012)
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| Source: IMDb.com |
John Cusack plays Edgar Allen Poe, who must save his failing writing career by coming up with a really good yarn after a crazy person grabs his would-be fiance and demands the famous author write the tale via installments in the local paper. The movie was not bad, but it certainly won't make a repeat viewing list for this reviewer.
Yes, but did it suck?
Short Answer: No.
Long Answer: I thought it was an OK movie, but like I said above, it won't be one I'll go out of my way to watch again. For more details, click here.
The Avengers (2012)
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| Source: IMDb.com |
A cavalcade of favorites from recent superhero movies comes together to stop some generic inter-dimensional bad-guys who swoop in to destroy the Ewart, or at least one important spot on the Earth. My question: why don't aliens ever invade someplace easy to take over? Like Greenland? Or Hoboken, New Jersey?
Yes, but did it suck?
Short Answer: No. It wasn't the perfect superhero movie of all time, as some might say, but it was still pretty dang good.
Long Answer: See it for yourself. The film is worth a Redbox rental, if you are one of the seven or eight individuals who haven't bothered to check it out yet. For more details, see here.
Dark Shadows (2012)
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| Source: IMDb.com |
Johnny Depp awakens from a forced imprisonment (Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End?) to take up his vampire ways and sweep the witch of his life off her feet and then into Death's arms. And then there is a whole subplot about his familial descendants, the '70s, and this reincarnated girl he has a real thing for. Oh wait, I mean Barnabas Collins did all that. Johnny Depp is not a vampire. At least we're pretty sure he's not.
Yes, but did it suck?
Short Answer: Kinda.
Long Answer: It wasn't as good as it looked in the trailer, but that's advertising for you. This movie didn't seem to know what it wanted to be, and that hurt in the long run. Plus the filmmakers decided to drop all their money on some outlandish special effects shots int he end that screamed "PAY ATTENTION TO ME - I'M A BIG SUMMER MOVIE!"
Again, for more details, see here.
Battleship (2012)
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| Source: IMDb.com |
Aliens get our "E.T.-Phone-Home" message and come to investigate. They aren't friendly. It's up to the United States Navy and some other guys (bit parts played by the Japanese Navy, the Marines, the Army, the Coast Guard, the Republican Party, Family Values, America's Brussels Sprout farmers, the Society for the Protection of Pointless Action Films, and others) to stop them and make sure humanity stays the dominant force on this little planet.
Yes, but did it suck?
Short Answer: Yes. For the most part.
Long Answer: Sorry, but even though Battleship wasn't the worst movie I saw all year, it certainly wasn't the best one either.
Further ruminations: Michael Bay must have had something to do with this movie. Either that, or people are starting to mimic him, and that has as potentially bad implications as the Fiscal Cliff and Global Warming all rolled into one.
See here for more details. Or don't, and take my word for it.
Men In Black 3 (2012)
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| Source: IMDb.com |
A nasty alien breaks out of jail (on the moon, no less) and comes looking to kill Agent K, played by Tommy Lee Jones. But he doesn't succeed in our present time, so instead we get a complicated plot about the late 1960s in America and how Agent J (played by Wil Smith) craves chocolate milk when experiencing time distortion-related adventures.
Yes, but did it suck?
Short Answer: No.
Long Answer: Not the best Men In Black film ever made, but a nice apology for the silly and stupid Men In Black 2 (subtitled the Revenge of Frank the Pug). For more details, see here (now see here!).
Snow White and the Huntsman (2012)
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| Source: IMDb.com |
In a twist to the fairy tale, the Huntsman ordered to take Snow White into the woods to be killed winds up becoming her protector and mentor in a quest to vanquish the Evil Queen. Short Synopsis taken from IMDb.com
Yes, but did it suck?
Short Answer: I don't know.
Long Answer: I didn't see it. My wife rented it when Kirsten Stewart and the Revenge of Charlize Theorn's Boy-Toy made it to Redbox, but I was busy with a paper fro school and didn't get around to watching it with her. She said it was pretty good, and so I'm stuck with a lame "my wife says it was good" excuse for a review here. But here is what other people had to say on the subject:
As far as live-action reimaginings of fairy tales are concerned, this is one of the more inventive ones and is unquestionably better than 2011's Red Riding Hood misfire. - James Berardinelli, ReelViews
...and on the other hand:
A film like this should have easily been able to work, but it needed much better execution than these filmmakers gave it. - Jeff Beck, Examiner.com
So that's two opinions on the subject. Rotten Tomatoes currently gives the movie a lack-luster 48%, so take that for what it is worth. And if you're wondering if I'll ever get around to reviewing this one personally, the answer is: I'm not sure. But don't expect anything 'til well into 2013. Too much to do between then and now.
Prometheus (2012)
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| Source: IMDb.com |
Ridley Scott gets paid a lot of money to re-visit the mythos of the Space-Jockey from his seminal classic Alien, and in the process taunts audiences with the idea of having made a quasi-prequel to that film. We spend most of the movie watching people do dumb things and then... well, I'm not going to explain this one clearly. See here for the details.
Yes, but did it suck?
Short Answer: Depends on who you talk to.
Long Answer: Yes, and no. As for me, I liked it well enough, though I have seen some reasonable arguments against the film and its overall design since I first wrote my review back in mid-summer. The movie does have some problems, but for those of us near-rabid fanboys who long to see the Alien franchise get some new blood and pull itself out of the mire that crustacean-y messes like Aliens Vs. Predator: Requiem created, it was better than a swift kick to the solar plexus. For what that is worth.
Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter (2012)
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| Source: IMDb.com |
Honest Abe had a whole double life as a slayer of pointy-teeth meanies before he rose to prominence as the guy on the one cent piece and the five dollar bill. The sixteenth president of the United States, - the man who both brought about the crisis of (due to his election in 1861) and then helped to save the Union - was actually just trying to kill vampires. And doing a good job of it too, if you watch this film.
Yes, but did it suck?
Short Answer: Duh. It had vampires in it. And vampires suck blood. Heehehehee
Long Answer: Not the most scholarly take on Abraham Lincoln of the year (that honor probably fell upon Daniel Day Lewis's portrayal which came out in mid-fall 2012), this was nevertheless an enjoyable and mindless romp through alternate history. But definitely not to be taken seriously. See here for the gory details.
GI JOE: Retaliation (2013)
The Amazing Spiderman (2012)
Peter Parker is just a cool, trendy, good-looking, smart and hopelessly naive teenager... (if this sounds like the start to the Honest Trailer version of the film, there's a reason for it). OK, serious;y, Peter Parker gets another origin story, this time a bit better and more "modern" than the last one with Tobey McGuire, and saves his would-be girlfriend from a big green lizard guy who was nowhere near as cool as William DaFoe as the Green Goblin.
Yes, but did it suck?
Short Answer: Not as much as I anticipated.
Long Answer: The Amazing Spiderman wasn't completely amazing, per-se, but it was better than I would have thought, given the fact that Hollywood is morbidly ravenous for superhero stories right now and yet they couldn't bother to reboot a franchise that has been dead for longer than Spidey. Or, I don't know, make a movie about something that nobody has done before. Crazy, I know, but it could be done.
See here for the Spidey-sense-inducing details.
The Dark Knight Rises (2012)
The Bourne Legacy (2012)
An expansion of the universe from Robert Ludlum's novels, centered on a new hero whose stakes have been triggered by the events of the previous three films. Short synopsis taken from IMDb.com
Now if that synopsis doesn't really tell you anything that goes on int he movie, I don't know what does. Maybe "some stuff happened." Or "this one guy shot this other guy... with a gun." It's almost as if you have to see the other three movies to appreciate The Bourne Legacy.
Truth-telling time. I did see this one already. In the theater. With my mom. She likes Bourne movies (as do I), and so invited me to go see it with her. We had a good time. I recall the film was decent, but can't give details now. I planned to do a review after it came out on video, but it has yet to hit Redbox (stupid 28 day delay) and so I haven't gotten to it yet.
As a clarification, this was before I decided that I should come home after a movie and write a few quick notes so I could do a decent review later on. The film that caused me to decide to take that approach is the next one featured (see below). So I am stuck without much to say here, other than what follows immediately below.
Yes, but did it suck?
Short Answer: No.
Long Answer: But it wasn't as good as some of the other Bourne movies with Matt Damon. I recall liking it well enough, and would recommend it to those who like that sort of film. I may do a review after seeing it on Redbox, if time permits. Stay tuned.
Total Recall (2012)
That's it. If I had time, I'd expound on a couple of films that I saw over the summer that, while they weren't typical "summer blockbuster'-type movies, were still pretty significant. Such as Pixar's Brave, which was pretty good.
Watch for my long-postponed review of Margaret Mitchel's novel Gone With The Wind, which I read back at the end of November but am just now getting around to finishing my review for. That should be coming right after the turn of the New Year. Once January starts, I will be posting more often. It was a nice enough winter break, but life will start getting busy with normal things again real soon.
The parting comment:
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| Source: IMDb.com |
In this sequel, the G.I. Joes are not only fighting their mortal enemy
Cobra; they are forced to contend with threats from within the
government that jeopardize their very existence. Short synopsis taken from IMDb.com
There is an old saying: you can't review a movie that hasn't been released yet. This would apply here. OK, that isn't such an old saying, but the point remains that GI JOE: Retaliation is not a candidate for review at this time because it was pushed back for a summer 2013 release date. I think I read something about it being redone in 3D or something like that. Or maybe Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson wanted to renegotiate his contract for the movie or something. Who knows?
Yes, but will it suck?
Short Answer: Probably.
Long Answer: We'll see, come Summer 2013.
The Amazing Spiderman (2012)
 |
| Source: IMDb.com |
Peter Parker is just a cool, trendy, good-looking, smart and hopelessly naive teenager... (if this sounds like the start to the Honest Trailer version of the film, there's a reason for it). OK, serious;y, Peter Parker gets another origin story, this time a bit better and more "modern" than the last one with Tobey McGuire, and saves his would-be girlfriend from a big green lizard guy who was nowhere near as cool as William DaFoe as the Green Goblin.
Yes, but did it suck?
Short Answer: Not as much as I anticipated.
Long Answer: The Amazing Spiderman wasn't completely amazing, per-se, but it was better than I would have thought, given the fact that Hollywood is morbidly ravenous for superhero stories right now and yet they couldn't bother to reboot a franchise that has been dead for longer than Spidey. Or, I don't know, make a movie about something that nobody has done before. Crazy, I know, but it could be done.
See here for the Spidey-sense-inducing details.
The Dark Knight Rises (2012)
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| Source: IMDb.com |
Bruce Wayne goes from crime-fighter (via his alter-ego Hoarse-Guy-err.. I mean Batman) to cripple, and then back to crime fighter , and then back to cripple, and then to dead guy, and then to not dead guy. And there is this villain who you can't understand very well and this other villain who can't seem to decide if she is a villain or if she is Bruce Wayne's girlfriend, and then this other villain who stabs Batman at the end and yet does so bad a job of it that she doesn't manage to kill him, even though he has to swim nine miles back to shore (but wait, all you people who argue this was dumb - this is Batman we're talking about. You know he had some super rubber dingy gizmo on his utility belt for just such an occasion, and a atomic-blast blanket to go with it. For circumstances just like the one faced at the movie's conclusion, that is).
Yes, but did it suck?
Short Answer: No.
Long Answer: ...but it didn't beat The Dark Knight for quality either. It's not the worst Batman movie I've ever seen (hands down that is Batman and Robin), but it wasn't Nolan's best effort either, even though you can tell he was trying to go out strong here. See here for the long and drawn out details.
Oh, speaking of Christopher Nolan and superheros, here's a teaser trailer for that other superhero movie he is involved with that is coming out in 2013.
The Bourne Legacy (2012)
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| Source: IMDb.com |
An expansion of the universe from Robert Ludlum's novels, centered on a new hero whose stakes have been triggered by the events of the previous three films. Short synopsis taken from IMDb.com
Now if that synopsis doesn't really tell you anything that goes on int he movie, I don't know what does. Maybe "some stuff happened." Or "this one guy shot this other guy... with a gun." It's almost as if you have to see the other three movies to appreciate The Bourne Legacy.
Truth-telling time. I did see this one already. In the theater. With my mom. She likes Bourne movies (as do I), and so invited me to go see it with her. We had a good time. I recall the film was decent, but can't give details now. I planned to do a review after it came out on video, but it has yet to hit Redbox (stupid 28 day delay) and so I haven't gotten to it yet.
As a clarification, this was before I decided that I should come home after a movie and write a few quick notes so I could do a decent review later on. The film that caused me to decide to take that approach is the next one featured (see below). So I am stuck without much to say here, other than what follows immediately below.
Yes, but did it suck?
Short Answer: No.
Long Answer: But it wasn't as good as some of the other Bourne movies with Matt Damon. I recall liking it well enough, and would recommend it to those who like that sort of film. I may do a review after seeing it on Redbox, if time permits. Stay tuned.
Total Recall (2012)
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| Source: IMDb.com |
Collin Ferrel runs around while being chased by Kate Beckinsale. See, he decided he had a hankering for adventure, and went to this place that specializes in giving its patrons fake memories. But they never actually gave him any fake memories, and now the world is out to get him. And to make things worse, the bad Brits are going to invade the peace-loving Aussies via a big hole in the Earth where somebody conveniently decided to put an elevator, and everything is going to get really unhappy real quick. And things were just getting better after that big chemical weapons war we had that wiped out most of Earth's population. And none of this has much to do with the original story by Philip K. Dick either. Just saying.
Yes, but did it suck?
Short Answer: Yes, it pretty much did.
Long Answer: A fun mindless film that betrays the unique concept that Dick's original short story We Can Remember It For You Wholesale gives, 2012's Total Recall is like a video game you watch for two hours. It isn't a really bad movie, but it just fails to capitalize on its best ideas and instead falls upon the same old well-tread action flick trail we've seen before (and better).
For the details, go here.
That's it. If I had time, I'd expound on a couple of films that I saw over the summer that, while they weren't typical "summer blockbuster'-type movies, were still pretty significant. Such as Pixar's Brave, which was pretty good.
Watch for my long-postponed review of Margaret Mitchel's novel Gone With The Wind, which I read back at the end of November but am just now getting around to finishing my review for. That should be coming right after the turn of the New Year. Once January starts, I will be posting more often. It was a nice enough winter break, but life will start getting busy with normal things again real soon.
The parting comment:
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| Source: LOLSnaps.com |
I've been waiting patiently for a good snow storm to come along so I could use this one. The note attached to the picture is priceless.
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